Do you remember how we crossed that very thin line between just friends and lovers? It was probably that day we were talking on the balcony one moment, n the next you were leaning on me with our faces just inches apart, your eyes boring into mine. I swear, if I had stepped back any further, I would have toppled over.
Yet, I wonder, how we failed to notice that we were drifting across that seemingly vast sea between lovers and strangers.
We used to know each other like the skins on our hands. I used to be able to read the sorrow in your eyes just by seeing your photos ( I guess I can still do that). I used to know your tastes like they were mine. Like how you needed your coffee or tea straight out of the fridge. Or how a dash of ketchup was all you needed for a happy meal.
I had always loved dressing up for you. The long ear rings that found their room in my minimalist jewelery box. The girly outfits that started getting adorned in my wardrobe. I am sure my hair loved the new attention and care it was getting. But, I guess eventually I just grew tired of all the efforts that were so unreciprocative.
I know I still love you. But do I tell you that or should I just pretend like I don’t? I mean, If there is one thing I know, it is that you don’t care either way.
Do I ask you to stay or should I just give you space? Or am I the one supposed to walk off? Do I text you or should I wait for you to text me? Do I disclose my vulnerability to you or should I just pretend like I am ok? Do I ask you what is wrong or am I supposed to figure it out on my own?
But, that is the whole point, isn’t it? I just don’t know anymore.
It is almost as if I’m meeting you for the very first time. You are like a constellation that keeps getting entangled in its own charm. You are the waves that crash up on the shore but so are you the calmest sea. You are the raging sun but so are you the soothing moon. Now, you are as unknown to me as tomorrow.
The apologies have become underrated and unwanted.
The confessions have become unappreciated and ignored.
And I just no longer have the energy to tread the territory where I am so unwanted.
So what do I tell you?
So here I am, hoping that the deafening silence between us will seek the answers on it’s own and that, you are finally happy.
Somebody you used to know.